Buried in the heart
by IcicleHikari
Summary: Summary for "Buried in the heart" Sure I didn't become a trainer as my dad wanted, sure Max ended up to become a better trainer than me, and yes Coordinating is my best still but instead of comparing me to Max, he should start comparing me to myself.


I watched my father take in my beloved brother into his arms. Max had just got done earning all eight badges in the Hoenn reigon, at the same time I earned the Johto ribbon cup. You'd think I should be the one getting the most praise but _no_. Max here just took my spotlight here (unintentionally) because of the words "I defeated gym leader Juan" those simple words made dad get all buddy-buddy with him. Talk about, "I'm proud of you son, looks like the Maple generations of trainers will go on because of you." did he not remember I faced a brutal battle with Solidad? Well, Solidad ended up with the victory but I was a fucking runner up Arceus damnit. But did he not awknowledge the fact that I had all five ribbons from Johto and Hoenn? I'm holding the Johto ribbon cup in my hands _right now_. Did he even notice my presence? I could only imagine what I looked like, standing there watching the whole thing. I just came back from Johto and I haven't changed out of my Grand Festival attire yet.

Norman ruffled Max's dark blue hair smiling, "Congrats, Max." you could practically hear praise in his voice as he said that. Watching the whole thing directly would be more loving if Max wasn't his favorite child. Caroline told me niether of them had a favrorite, is that why you let Max go off on a journey on his own? _Under_ the age of ten, While I didn't? Well, I couldn't possibly expect Caroline of all people to answer that, she left nothing but her ashes for our family a long, long, _long_ time ago. I don't _wan't_ to be anyone's favorite, but I'm tired of trying to be equal with Max, only to expect that were aren't so equal after all. Daddy's little pet has arrived and I am _officially_ useless to the both of them. They used to be so kind and so nice to me. Max used to be the greatest brother you could ever have and I used to be able to call Norman "Dad" without getting the urge to cry.

I took in a deep breath and smiled walking towards them. "Congrats Max!" I beamed, "Hey dad, I won the Johto Grand Festival!" I said as I held up the ribbon cup for him to see. I hoped to get a significant reaction out of this. _Please dad...for me..._ I looked up staring intently at his eyes. I want to be praised like Max was, I want to be awknowleged like Max is but most of all, I want to be _loved_ the way Max is. A huge gulp was shoved down my thorat as my hands grew tired of holding up the sligthly heavy ribbon cup. I don't wanna be daddy's little girl, I wanna be Max's equal.

Norman raised his eyebrow. Is dad confused? Did he not know the little thropy I held in front of him is actually a good thing? I know dad never shared the same praise for me as he did for Max because of my decision to earn ribbons and become a coordinator but I won this time. I defeated Drew in the final round. Won't Norman please just reconize me success? Yea that's right, there's no "Can't he at least" this or "If he does this one thing it's enough" bullshit. I won't be satisfied until things go back to the way they are. Back to when Max didn't compete with me, back when Caroline was here, back when Norman meant these words, "I love you." and I will definetly not settle for less.

"That's great May, nice throphy you got there." Norman practically _stated _showing how much he obviously cared. "But contests are childsplay, it's not a good excuse for why you can't cut out as a trainer. " Norman said in a more serious tone.

I almost dropped the ribbon cup on my feet. _Excuse me?_ I wanted to say. No wait, scratch that I didn't wanna say anything. I wanted to hit my ignorant father upside the head with this _stupid_ prize I won for being the last one standing at that Grand Festival. Yea maybe I'm going to far but at least I didn't proceed with these actions.

I blinked twice and opened my mouth to say something, "What the _fuck_ is that supposed to mean?" I normally didn't curse with my parents but after all that Max pampering Norman did, I pretty much deserved to do so.

"May, don't talk to dad like that!" Max yelled out, "what are you thinking!"

"Shut the hell up, Max!" I screamed out letting go of the ribbon cup with my left hand, leaving the right one to carry it.

Max's eyes widned as he took a step back towards Norman while Norman held Max close to him. The two stared at me as if I had gone mad or crazy. They even appared afraid of me for awhile.

"Answer me, dad!" I yelled, fighting the urge to cry.

The adult let out a sigh, "I'm sorry." he frowned, "I just thought you would understand, you knew what I expected from you and you didn't meet any of my expectations." My father finished off shaking his head.

I just love how blunt he was being. I especially adore how he had high hopes for me at first and just like that, he looks down on me like I'm nothing. Dad's facial expression was stern and cold, completely different towards me then it was to Max. He was so loving, caring, and kind to him, the way fathers were supposed to be. Only someone such as myself could ever make Norman release the emotions of disappointments, and then there was Max, the only child in this family who could ever meet not just dad's ecpectations- but our mother Caroline as well. I couldn't do anything right. This is what Norman gets for having high expectations.

"What the hell am I supposed to do for you then?" I asked with a slight crack that raised along with my voice.

"Coordinating just isn't good enough, May" out came my little brother, "Dad's right, you can't act like competing in contests can replace the fact that you refuse to follow in dad's footsteps to be a pokemon trainer!"

My throat cracked as tears started to flow through my cheeks. I dashed into the house and ran up my room. When I finally broke into the door I quickly yet gently placed the ribbon cup on a small table and turned to my large brown glass shelf. In the corner of my eye I spotted my Hoenn ribbon case. Suddenly without thinking, I punched through the glass and grabbed the case with my bleeding hand, sqeezing it tightly as I pulled it out. I held it to my face and glared at it.

Memories flashed in black and memories were of me, training Beautifly while Ash, Borck and Max watched. I remember when I entered my first contest, I realized there was something in the Pokemon world other than being a trainer and became a coordinator. I remember beating the female trainer who got passed Drew, I thought I'd never surpass her, but I did. Instead of smiling and being happy, I felt enraged. I held the ribbon case tightly wanting to crush it.

"Worthless piece of shit!" I screamed out throwing the case accross the room.

The case of ribbons hit the wall. All five ribbons fell out laying on the ground. I took a step towards a certain ribbon, one I now despised. My 5th ribbon, the ribbon that filled the last slot in my case, the ribbon I battled my hardest for, the ribbon that got me into the Grand Festival. I took my right foot and stepped on it softly, then twisting my shoe around it and stomped on it once.

Finally, I took my foot off the ribbon, it was now crushed with dirt and crumpled up. I fell onto my bed, letting my pillow take the flow of tears. I could hear Norman and Max talk about how there was something wrong with me, how I needed help, how I needed to be "normal" I also heard Max spew out some bullshit about me being _jealous_ of him. This made me wanna go back down and curse at them. But what difference would that make?

The loving conversation about me continued until it got passed midnight. I had already fallen asleep just _listening_ to that little runt agreeing and going along with what Norman was saying.

I woke up the next morning, still wearing my blue Arabian styled Grand Festival attire. The outfit consisted of things much like the outfit I wore in the Wallace cup, except well...blue. Everything in my room stayed the same _clean_. The only mess I made was the one with the bed, the blood that had poured from the cuts after punching the glass cup board made a pool stain on it. All my ribbons were still on the ground and the shelf that held all of my achievements had a hole in the glass. I took a look at my hand, it was damaged with cuts and covered with red stains but at least it stopped bleeding Thank Arceus. A deep sigh heard only by me exhaled out of my lungs. I got up and exited my room, quietly walking towards the bathroom, I walked past Max's bedroom and slightly creaked the door opened.

"Oh, how cute." I mumbled to myself in obvious sarcasm.

Norman was sleeping next to Max, holding him to his body resting soundly. Guess he fell alseep telling him bed time stories. You know, for a boy who's about to become Hoenn's Champion, he sure still had that childish nature of his. Well, probably because he was ten but when _I_ was ten, I didn't need mommy or daddy to sleep with me and if I did, no one was there anyways.

I didn't even bother to shut the door. I just walked right on by and made it to the bathroom facing the sink. Despite the shit I went through last night my face didn't look like a piece of crap. My hair was still flawless and my face maintained it's pale complexion, as if I was just getting ready for the Grand Festival. I washed the blood stains off my arms and opened the cabnit taking out a bandage, wrapping it around my wrist. I pulled down the light blue veil that rested on top of my hair and placed it next to the border of the sink.

I placed both hands on the edge of the counter glaring at myself. Is there a way to make Norman proud of me and not meet his stupid little expectations? I can't win on this one. It's true dad doesn't support me in my coordinating career as much, but I thought it was because he thought I couldn't make it. Now I know, he'd be more satisfide if I had followed in his footsteps. I just can't do that for him. I'm sorry that I can't make him proud, I'm sorry that I failed to earn his praise, I'm sorry that I can't be Max's equal. But I'm never gonna be sorry about my decisions to be a coordinator. So what if Max is Norman's favorite? That doesn't detirmine who had better goals or achievements.

Though I must say, I do envy Max just a little bit. Max was the happy one here, he doesn't have everything _he_ wants but he has everything I did. I find this to be unfair and it just breaks my heart everytime I think about it. I know everyone else was proud of me, Solidad even thinks of me greatly and I _lost_ to her. Even my obnoxious rival _Drew_ thinks I'm a great coordinator. But somehow, I couldn't think of myself as a decent coordinator as long as I awknowledge the fact that my own father doesn't think of me highly, I can only keep working on the next thing. Coordinating is a career for me but certainly not a job. I love what I do but sometimes I didn't love it as much knowing the person that means the world to me didn't.

I stood in front of the mirror for awhile reflecting (literally) on my life and who I am. I found myself dazed, not even seeing my reflection at all at one point. Ocasionally I came across thoughts that almost caused me to take action. I had the urge to punch the mirror but I didn't want another bledding hand. I seriously wanted to take physical action on my own dad. Who were _they_ to act like I'm not "good enough" they practically implied that they don't approve of me. Not with this career, not as long as I'm happy with it. I'm always going through my head telling myself how unfair this is but There's _nothing_ I can do about it, well, nothing I can do that'll benifit me as well that is.

Of course, there is only one obvious solution. The only way it could be benificial to me is if I end up getting what I want. I would have to take a break from coordinating and start all over, but I would succeed and I'm sure of that.

I exited the bathroom holding my veil. I heard noises from downstairs and footsteps coming up. It was Max.

"Whoa, May what happened there?" Max asked pointing at my arm wrapped in its band-aid.

"Since when did _you_ care." I blunted out coldly.

I went passed Max and got out of his was probably a bit too harsh and maybe I did feel a little bad but who cares. Who knew what kind of look Max had on his face when I reacted?

A giant slam could be heard as I stormed in my room. I quickly changed into a different outfit which consisted of a red top that came with a silver belt which would carry my pokemon, black shorts, a green bandanna and red tennis shoes. I wore a small yellow backpack over my shoulders, this was gonna be a long journey. I double checked everything and hung my grand festival attire in my closet then finally took an exit out of my room closing the door as I got out. I didn't know if I should lock it or not but that was nothing I should dwell over. Not like I cared if anyone entered my room, though the broken glass on the shelf would look suspicious but I'd explain that to dad later if he even cared to ask.

I ran downstairs and spotted Norman on the couch. I felt my heart jump up slightly at the sight of my he didn't seem to pay any attention to me which is strange. I guess he's probably angry at me about last night but I'm not the one that's gonna break this silence. I don't even wanna say a word to that ungrateful man.

Without a word, I headed for the door not taking another look at Norman. I wouldn't really blame him, I couldn't possibly wanna speak to my kid after they cursed at me and shit but honestly, I wouldn't try to cause anything for that to happen in the first place.

Purposely, I created another slam as I exited. I don't think dad had enough of my bullshit just yet. But don't worry, I'll come back to get back at him even worse. He'll just have to wait.

I ran to my first destination: Rustburo City. Where the gym leader Roxanne was. Rustburo was only a few cities away and I was a really fast runner. Though it was still a bit far from Petalberg but only by a bit! I picked up the speed as I ran. I couldn't wait til I got there. This reminded me a lot about when I went on a journey with Ash. He totally fried my bike but I guess that was a good thing. I needed exercise anyways.

After a full thirty minutes I stopped after I stepped on the outskirts of Rustburo. I inhaled the air and exhaled, "Phew!"

I sent out my beloved partner Blaziken, "Hey buddy, were going on another journey!"

Blaziken tilted his head as if asking, "Already? After you just entered the Grand Festival?"

I nodded in response petting him, "But this time, were not going to earn ribbons..." I said as I opened an empty badge case. "We're gonna fill all of these slots!"

Blaziken smiled looking at the badge-less badge case and pulled me into a hug. I guess Blaziken really, really wanted something like this for a very long time. I hugged him back warmly. My Pokemon were one of the only things that could bring me back to a content and happy place.

I let him go and pumped my fist in the air, "I'm going to collect all eight badges and become the Champion of Hoenn!" I beamed in confidence.

Blaziken roared in excitment. I ran towards the Rustburo city gym and entered. Roxanne was there as if she awaited a challenger. Well she's gonna get one alright.

Roxanne smirked as I entered, "Well, well If it isn't May Maple! What brings you here?"

I snorted, "Your kidding right? This is a Pokemon Gym. I came here for the same reason anyone else would come here. To beat your sorry butt!"

The gymleader reached down her pocket and took out a pokeball, "The only one who's doing the beating will be me!"

"We'll see about that." I beamed at Blaziken, "Blaziken, take the stage!"

Blaziken stepped forward giving off a confident feel.

"Golem, I chose you!" Roxanne threw out her pokeball in the air.

"You may have the first move." I said sweetly.

"Why thank you." Roxanne giggled. "Stone edge, now!"

"Sky uppercut!" I commanded.

Blaziken kicked off the stones and aimed himself at Golem with a punch. Golem still stood strongly on the field with two feet. I must say her pokemon had impressive endurance, but it doesn't matter. I'm definetly gonna win.

Roxanne flipped her hair and stretched out her arm, "Use Roll out!"

Golem's head hid inside it's rock body along with it's other body parts. The rock pokemon rolled towards mine at a surprisingly incredible speed almost giving me no time to give my pokemon a command. _Almost_ that is.

"Blaziken, hi jump kick!"

Blaziken ran towards the rolling Golem and did a back-flip when the fire type almost came in contact with it. Golem was about to roll into a wall until it turned back rolling away at Blaziken again. Blaziken twirled around in the air and kicked Golem to a wall as it went down. One pokemon down, one more to go.

"Now _that's_ what I call a goal." I chuckled hi fiving Blaziken.

Roxanne returned her Golem and switched to another poke-ball. "Nosepass, come out!"

A Nosepass landed on the field with a growl.

"You're sure putting up a good fight May, but I'll be the one to have the last move!" Roxanne said confidently.

"If you count fainting as a move, then sure." I smirked.

"Nosepass, Rock Tomb!" Roxanne commaded.

Rocks tumbled upon my Blaziken at the second Roxanne finished her command. I began to worry but remembered My Blaziken didn't take any damage with Golem. Though Blaziken was stuck in a rock pit. Blaziken struggled out.

"Blaziken!" I cried.

"Use stone edge while Blaziken is still stuck!" Roxanne yelled out.

I cried out my pokemon's name again and watched Roxanne's Nosepass flinging rocks towards Blaziken. I knew Blaziken was getting weaker as the rock held it's legs. I began to lose it as Blaziken struggled it's way out.

A flash appeared in my eyes. Suddenly the whole gym became black and white except...this wasn't the gym anymore. I looked at my surroundings in confusion.

"This is a contest..." I almost whispered.

I saw a Combusken that was in the same situation as my Blaziken, except: The move it was stuck in appeared to be a sand tomb. That's when I knew what exactly this was. That was my Combusken.

"Combusken..."

Next to my pokemon was myself, I stood on that field with widened eyes and fear of losing. I remembered that feeling now.

I watched myself scream and struggle. I almost cried out to myself and Combusken but I heard myself talk before I could say anything.

"Combusken. you can do it! I know you can, I believe in you!" I heard myself tell my pokemon.

I couldn't remember what else I said on that field. I knew I was yelling out more words but those were the only ones I could make out.

"You heard me!" I said, "Combusken I have faith in you!" I watch myself yelled out.

Combusken still struggled as we yelled.

"I believe in you too..." I whispered softly.

Suddenly the sand that held in Combusken's leg glowed white. Combusken's leg kicked out, excaping the Sand tomb. Combusken jumped out and landed.

Another flash appeared and I found myself at the gym again. The rocks were still hurling towards my Blaziken but instead of worrying, I took in a deep breath and braced myself. It's a shame to have to take the victory away from Roxanne just when she thought she was about to win.

"Blaziken use Mega kick!" I yelled in confidence.

I saw Roxanne's eyes widened in shock as Blaziken escaped the rock tomb. Blaziken jumped up and kicked Nosepass right in the face. Blaziken jumped down right back down in front of me as Nosepass fell.

"I bet Max didn't earn his Victory this easily." I said cockily.

"No. He didn't." Roxanne grumbled as she took out something from her pocket.

I raised my eyebrow in curiosity of what she would bring out.

"Here. I believe this is your first badge right?" Roxanne asked as she handed me the object.

I took the badge and placed it in the first slot. "Wow! Thanks." I looked down at my shining badge admiringly.


End file.
